We Will Survive

Today was a low day for me.  Gray, rainy and damp outside yesterday and cold and windy today.  Sometimes I just get tired of it all.  The surgery, the hospital stays, the chemo, endless blood tests, doctor appointments, the side effects of the chemo like ringing in my ears, eyesight compromised, fainting which resulted in 17 days of headaches, changes in taste, not sleeping well, being tired, blood transfusions...

But so far, I haven't lost my hair.  In Matthew 10:30 it says the very hairs on my head are numbered.  That verse shows me how much God cares that He even knows how many hairs there are on my head!

Now, I've colored my hair for years.  Never before have I gone this long without Loreal and I getting together.  But there's no way I'm going to put a chemical on my hair while I'm going through chemo.  So, I've come to terms with the gray, and I've determined gray is a great color!

Gray does matter.  After all, God created it, and He gave it to me! 

Hey, the sun is coming out! The sky is getting blue. And God created it, and He gave it to me and you :)

Thank you, Abba for the colors you created for us all. Thank you for coloring our world. And thank you for reminding me how much You care for me and daily show me You're there for me.

I find myself in a hospital bed quite by surprise.  Went to the cancer center for bloodwork and a visit with my surgeon/oncologist.  He said he wanted me to have an EKG because my heart rhythms were off--when I heard him outside my door saying "I'm admitting Mrs. Seyler to the hospital for some blood transfusions."  I turned to Lennie and said "He must mean someone else."  Well, I'm here for two blood transfusions.  Seems my platelet count should be 350,000 to 500,000, and mine is only 5,000.  They say this happens.  I guess so or I wouldn't be in here!

Well, it sure is quiet in here (not outside my room, tho).  No tv, no visitors (this was a surprise visit -- no one knows).  I sent my husband off to work.  No book to read.  So I laid here and sang some praise songs to the Lord.  Talked with Him for awhile.  How great is that?!  To be able to have a conversation with the Lord anytime, anywhere and know He's listening to my every word!

"I sought the Lord, and He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears." Psalm 34:4

Resting in Him,

Gloria

I remember when I was being prepped for surgery, and the IV was ready to start.  I remember my short prayer I whispered to God "Abba, stay close."

There is a place just for you, and it's secret.  It's a place for you to dwell, to live, to reside.  It's a confidential place, a shelter.  It's designed by God to elude observation or detection from anyone or anything that could harm you.  It's the one place where I feel secure, without fear.  You can go there and stay as long as you want.  It's up to you.  You will find El-Shaddai there, the Almighty God.

Psalm 91.1 says "He who dwelleth in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty."

Think about this.  How close do you have to be to someone to stand under their shadow?  Very close.  That's where I want to be.  Under His shadow.

We met with my doctor to discuss what would happen next.  He clearly wanted me to have two cancer drugs infused into my body through a port in my chest every three weeks. 

Sitting there listening to him you almost become a picture of a deer caught in the headlights...blinded by all the information...and it's information you have no knowledge of...you're still recovering from the surgery...you're weak and you just want to go home and go to bed.  So you kindly nod your head and say "okay".

About a week later when I started feeling better, a nurse from my insurance company called me to see how I was doing and if I had any questions.  She asked me if I had any information on all the side effects of the two drugs.  I knew I had some information but not enough so she gave me the website of the American Cancer Society to look up the drugs.  What I found made me question whether I wanted the second chemo drug.

I researched the difference between being given the two drugs over just the carbo.  The taxol was even more toxic and some people have died just from being given this drug. And there was no significant difference. 

We prayed alot about this decision.  I really felt that nurse was sent from God to help me find out this information on this second drug.  It wasn't an easy decision. We asked family and friends their input.  Many of them thought I was crazy for even questioning the doctor.

Finally the cancer center called to make my appointment for my first infusion, so I told them I needed to talk to my doctor first.  He called me back, and I asked him why I had to take the two drugs.  He told me it was standard.  He also said it was my decision, but he wanted me to do both.  I value his insight and knowledge yet I also valued the Lord's leading in my life.  So I prayed some more and decided to just go with the carbo.

I have to say I also changed the way I eat.  We eat mostly raw vegetables in a spinach salad with olive oil,  and the only meat we eat is chicken that are raised without antibiotics, hormones or artificial ingredients.  We drink lots of water.  We've cut out dairy.  We eat beans for protein and some eggs that are from free running hens, and we cut out soy and sugar. 

Two things I added before my surgery was a cell builder which I drink in my white tea 3 times a day, and I also drink mangosteen juice.  I have great faith in its natural ability to fight inflammation and infection in my body with lots of antioxidants and xanthones.  I was very happy to hear Dr. Oz on the Oprah show endorse the benefits of mangosteen.  I also heard him on our local news program endorse the great power of antioxidants in the mangosteen.  You can't just get the benefits of it from eating the fruit because the xanthones are in the bitter part on the outside.  This juice I drink 3 times a day is made with the whole mangosteen so the benefits are 100%.  I can't say enough about it.  I feel great.  I have lots of energy, and I haven't lost my hair! 

The choice was ultimately mine.  I came to the conclusion this battle is the Lord's.  I made the decision to take the one drug and do everything naturally that I could and leave the supernatural to God.

God bless all of you who have to make these decisions on your life.  Remember God is good all the time...all the time God is good!

Today I decided to start writing online instead of just journaling at home on paper. I hope maybe someone will be helped by what I'm going through.  Actually, I should say "we".  Me, my family here on earth, and of course, my Abba.

I have ovarian cancer.  It's a tough thing to go through when you've never done it before.  It started back in November when I started having some pain in my abdomen and went for a checkup.  That day I knew.

I'm 54 years old and in excellent health they said except for the cancer, of course. I had 2 masses.

I remember that day as I came home one of my builders who doesn't know the Lord saw me and asked me why I wasn't around for a couple of days..I usually walked through our growing neighborhood every day.  He looked at me when I hesitated and said "Tell me now because I'll find out anyhow".  When I told him, he got up and walked over to me and gave me a big hug and said "Don't worry, nothing is going to happen to you.  We all love you".  It was like God Himself gave me that big hug.  He always gives us just what we need when we need it, and I surely did need that hug!

My husband was sent home from work after I called him by his boss who said "Your wife needs you now."  She also sent the chaplain and his wife.  What a blessing that was having someone come and pray with us at our time of need!

Remember, He always gives us what we need when we need it and not before.

I have been praying for our little community for over a year that the Lord would save each person moving into these new homes as well as all the people working here. And I wondered how all these people would see the Lord and find Him unless something happened.  I asking Him that very question.  Then I said "Now wait...I didn't mean me!" But then I knew what He wanted so I told him whatever His will was I would be a part of it.  That's the beginning of the story.

So much has happened since then. 

On December 6, 2007 I had a complete hysterectomy..everything went.  Then I was sent home to recover.  My husband doted on me and took good care of me.  I call him my helicopter because he hovers over me in a loving way watching out for me and making sure I'm all right.

I have another helicopter.  He's my Abba.  My father.  He hovers lovingly over me watching me from above sending His angels when I need them.  There have been times when I was suffering greatly and not knowing what was happening yet He did, and He had everything in control.  It's at these times when we have to trust His sight, His guidance because He sees when we can't.  This is where our faith in Him comes from within our heart, our soul..and we just "be" in Him.

C.S.Lewis said "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains; it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world."  It may just be the testimony of His love and grace in my life that will point others to Him.  And also to other christians to see me and think more on eternity and what awaits us in Heaven as well as what awaits the unsaved after death.

Something to think on.

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